It's all for me!

I don't know how many of you have a significant other who talks in his or her sleep, but it is equal parts cute and creepy. And 100% entertaining. See, I'm the type of person who falls asleep as soon as her head hits the pillow and, if undisturbed, stays in the same position until she wakes up.

My husband, on the other hand, has a sleep persona we have nicknamed Sleepy Jones. Sleepy Jones is a selfish jerk, where my actual wakeful spouse is a caring, generous person. Sleepy Jones can't tell the difference between time to sleep at home and time to work (like he's still on a ship). And most importantly, Sleepy Jones is a nonsensical chatterbox and wanderer, where his counterpart is so quiet most of the time, I have to call out to him to see where he is in the house.

Over the years, there have been varied hilarious encounters with Sleepy Jones. Trying to climb out our bedroom window, for example, because he thought it was time to go relieve someone on the bridge of whatever ship he was working on at the time. Or the night he was shuffling around the perimeter of our bedroom trying to find the door so he could go to the bathroom, only to end up in the closet trying to find the toilet. My least favourite, and only time I was furious enough to yell and actually strike him in the ribs to wake him up, was when I was rudely awakened by his elbow on my forehead, muttering something about a thief and pinning my skull to the mattress.

My personal favourite, however, and one that we still laugh about to this day, is the time I woke up in bed with no blankets as Sleepy Jones was stealing my pillow. It seemed that he had rolled around in bed so much, his own pillow ended up on the floor, so rather than pick it up like KJ would have done, Sleepy Jones decided mine was more convenient. As I lay there, shivering and pissed off because he was swiping my pillow out from under my head, I latched onto it, took a fistful of blankets and started rolling away from him so I could regain some comfort before my rage set in.

He pulled harder, straining against my weight on the blanket with his own; a 4 AM tug of war.

The rage haze rolled in, and I said, "Will you just let go of my fucking pillow and give me some goddamned blankets?!", to which Sleepy Jones replied (clear as day in a creepy voice), "It's all for me!"...and I laughed. Loudly. It woke KJ out of his stupor and he saw what was happening but wasn't fully sure what the situation actually was. To him, it looked like I was stealing his pillow. I recounted the story to him, he laughed and apologized, picked up his pillow off the floor, kissed me and went back to sleep. Then promptly tried to steal my blankets.

For a man who would give me anything, he sure is a greedy ass when he's asleep. But sometimes, he is super cute and ridiculously funny because this morning, in the dark comfort of our bedroom, I was browsing Facebook on my phone while he slept peacefully beside me and out of nowhere, he says "You know what I just realized Jurassic World was missing? Jeff Goldblum." Zzzz...

How can you not love that?