Mug Brownie Abortion

After tracking our calories today, I realized both KJ and I were under our allowable intake. Knowing how much he likes his cake-like carbs, I mentioned the idea of making single serving dessert. Many of them called for ingredients I didn't have immediately on hand, so I opted for one with the fewest ingredients I could find on SparkRecipes and the winner was the Single-Serving Mug Brownie.

Eat. Me.

I made two, since the recipe said it was 225 calories with sugar included, and I planned to use Stevia in its place. Let me save you the depressing outcome from that mistake and tell you "Just don't do it." I wish I had the foresight to have taken a photo of the resulting brownie before I tried eating it, but I did not. I do have a photo of the part that went in the garbage, though.

If I die of a bowel obstruction, this was the cause.

My husband is a wonderfully supportive man, and as I was choking this lump of brown sludge down but not yet complaining about it, I asked him how his was (since his had the advantage of a scoop of ice cream), and he said "It's not as sweet as I would expect something chocolatey to be, but it's not bad."

Not bad?! It tasted like the devil's asshole, and was probably 4x as chewy.

A moment after I said, "Nope, not worth the calories!", and laid down my Mug of Sadness, he said, "Yeah... I'm glad I had ice cream." 

Next time, we're taking his suggestion and going to Tim Horton's for a Timbit. 

Plateaus suck, and other rants.

Welcome to Rest Day. I am enjoying this day of doing nothing for a change. I didn't start the day with rest in mind, but KJ's up to his eyes in tax forms, and I am not going to complain. Not about resting, anyway. But about weight loss and the lack thereof? Absolutely.

Maybe I just need to poop?

It feels like I have been working my ass off, literally. Much attention is being paid to what I eat and how many calories I burn. I am tracking everything on SparkPeople and enjoying being in control. But, in spite of all of this, I have hit a plateau. I have been sitting at 10.4 lbs lost for a few days, and while I am frustrated by this, I am not discouraged (yet). I found this to be a helpful bit of advice.

In spite of this, and the science behind it, I am frustrated by the way the weight is melting off of my darling husband. We're eating the same things, exercising the same amount and even though I started 2 weeks before he did, losing the same weight. Actually, he's probably losing it faster. I understand his basal metabolic rate (BMR) is higher than mine, and that him eating the same amount as me would equal him burning more than me. But that doesn't mean I have to be pleased by the difference in our results, damn it!

Maybe I can make his dinner with butter and bacon tonight? 

Mwaaahahahahaha!!

Like he'd complain...

Anyway, I'm feeling great and have noticed I am not huffing and puffing like I'm about to drop dead after 20 minutes on the elliptical any more. While the weigh scale isn't reflecting this, my stretch jeans falling down when I walk reflect it well enough, so I'll consider that this week's victory. 

No Monday Blahs

This entry comes to you from the new keyboard of my new Acer Chromebook 11. With the laptop I have had for about 6 years now not holding a charge any more, and not even making a clean connection to the power cable, I have been cursing its existence for awhile now and finally had enough. I have my desktop PC, of course, but I prefer to game on that computer. This little baby will be great for travelling, blogging, and general internet usage.

And it is FAST. Boots up in 7 seconds, fast. The keyboard takes some getting used to because it is smaller than I am used to (and has some keys only the Chrome OS has, such as no caps lock key and instead has a search button). It's no easy task to train my man hands to avoid hitting one particular key near the Shift key, either, but muscle memory is a wonderful thing so I'll figure it out in a day or two.

Or not.

On the food and exercise front, today has been a great day. We went to the gym before noon today, and I punched 30 minutes on the Arc Trainer, 10 on the treadmill, and 20 on the weight circuit, 15 leg presses, and some leg lifts to rip my abs out, for a grand total of 613 calories burned. I'm not sure how KJ made out number-wise, but I do know he was melting. Nothing a shower couldn't fix.

Once the hard part of the day was over, we went shopping. Costco was surprisingly civil, and we bought a fresh supply of fruit & vegetables for the next week's worth of dieting. I even bought a box of protein bars for the days when I know I should eat something but I'm not hungry. Watching 'My 600-lb Life' actually gave me some useful information last week (aside from "don't sit still and eat a pallet of Hot Pockets for 10 years"), which was Protein vs Sugar/Fat on food labels. If the Protein (g) is in double digits and the Sugar/Fat (g) are in single digits, green light. If those values are reversed, red light. Maybe find yourself another snack. Obviously this applies directly to people watching their weight. If you are a stick person or one of those people with metabolism where your humanity should be, eat away.

Overall, today has been a pretty good day. Even after all day on the go, we are planning to take the dogs for a walk before it gets dark, make ourselves a chicken stir fry for dinner, watch a movie perhaps. Nothing overly exciting happening today, just regular, every day mundane life stuff. 

Maybe tomorrow I'll be funnier. 

Thankful for burgers

After yesterday morning's horrible mood and lightheaded, swirling vortex of misery, yet another salad for lunch and a trip to the gym in the afternoon simply did not cut it.

Hard.

 

No change on the scale this morning, because last night KJ and I went to Milestones for supper with my best friend, Sabrina and her girlfriend, Melissa. There were no special prices on burgers last night, but all 4 of us had one because they sounded ridiculously delicious. KJ had a Montreal Stacked burger, and Melissa had the original old-fashioned burger.  Sabrina and I both had the Mayan burger, which is a dream of prime rib, fresh avocado salsa and double-smoked bacon on a brioche bun. It weighs in at 1070 calories, is not healthy in the least, and I don't give a flying. Fuck.

Yesterday's breakfast and lunch combined was 500 calories, so supper was desperately needed to keep me and everyone around me alive. My friend Allison commented the other night that she cannot consume any less than 1400 a day without "feeling murdery", and normally I am not like that. Yesterday, I was channeling my inner Allison because I swear, if I hadn't eaten that burger last night, I may have killed someone.

I'm not usually high as fuck, though...

Today, I feel great. I slept really well and am happy to report I woke up at 9 AM instead of at daybreak. Scrambled egg (white)s for breakfast, an apple, a cup of coffee, and a plan to go to the gym in an hour with my partner in all this (and everything else). Let's see how this goes!

Stay tuned.

Fun Friday, Suffering Saturday

I won't beat myself up over it, but last night I went over my maximum allowable calorie intake. I had a feeling I would, and it was only by 202 calories. We had a few friends over for a game of Cranium, and that meant 3 glasses of wine and too many salty snacks. It's no surprise that there was no change on the scale this morning, but it was totally worth it for the laughs and not caring for a night.

We had a great time. It was women vs men, and the guys called us Cranium savants because we stomped them, hard! We also talked about self defense, and poop. Not poop as a means of self defense, though I am sure that would work if you could manage it. I got a few tips on how to blind someone who is attacking from the front, or break their fingers, deafen them, and cripple them by shattering their ankle. Headbutting is also a useful tool to break someone's face like an eggshell. No coverage on if someone attacks from behind, though... guess I'm doomed.

Maybe all these things are poor things to teach someone who is as sour as I am today. My mood today is a craptastic one. I am tired. I am sore. I am irritable. All I want to do is just lay here and sleep until my back stops banding together with my stupid uterus to create a girdle of agony. Even more agony than the standard girdle!

Should I go to to gym? Probably. Do I want to? Absolutely not. Decisions, decisions...(like I have a choice after last night!)

Anyway, today is a new day. I am planning ahead today for my dinner out at Milestones with KJ and another couple of friends. Hopefully I can manage to shift my mood to something less lethargic by tonight. As I am, my company and attire are not fit for public.

Wish me luck!

Goal #1 Met

It's a happy day in The Land o' Lard today! It took 3 weeks of sweating (and swearing), as well as paying meticulous attention to what I ate, but as of this morning I am down 10 pounds from my starting weight. Not bad, considering today I feel like a bloated blob of flesh.

This morning, right on schedule, my eyes flew open at 7:17 AM. What. The actual. Fuck. It's like my brain has a goddamned smart alarm. Is there something I should be doing by 8 AM that I am missing out on? If there is, I am drawing a blank on what it could be. Anyway, I may have opened my eyes in the sevens, but my feet never touched the floor until ten to nine.

The best part about this diet's layout is alternating proteins at meal times so you don't feel like you're in a hellish diet rut. Yesterday's paltry yogurt and apple really made me appreciate today's omelet and strawberries, I guarantee it. It was delicious, and altogether was only 216 calories.

Spinach and Mushrooms and Cheddar, oh my!

We haven't gone to the gym yet today, but I intend to get off my ass as soon as this episode of Law & Order: Special Victim's Unit is over. On the menu tonight is turkey meatloaf with a side of "people coming over and probably drinking all the liquor", so I need the exercise in advance of doing something foolish. Should be a good night!

Happy Friday, folks.

Still not a burger, but it'll do.

As much as I wanted to go out for dinner tonight for something of more heft, KJ convinced me to wait. So, I present tonight's diet friendly (and surprisingly delicious) Mediterranean Tilapia w/ Parmesan Asparagus.

Day 4. Or 3. Or 4.

So, it is 4:01 PM at the time I am writing this, and though I knew this was Day 4/17 of this whole ordeal, somehow I let my chronologically challenged husband convince me today was Wednesday. I guess that makes me moderately challenged as well, since I only realized it was Thursday 20 minutes ago. I blame it on this morning.

I managed to sleep until 9 this morning. That is a rarity these days. I am up with the birds every day, but this morning I slept. And because I slept, I had a lazy start to the morning. Laying in bed, Facebooking on my phone for an hour, and KJ wakes up at 10 AM and says he wants to go to the gym at 10:30 AM because he has physio at 1:00 PM. So what does Lazy Jennifer do while he's brushing his teeth and feeding the dogs?

"You can't make me!"

I know. Not my finest moment. But I did it. I even snarfed down a yogurt in the kitchen and an apple in the car on the way to the gym! Woot woot! I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have. I was frigging ravenous when I was done my workout. That is what led me to make this beauty for my lunch!

Get in my belleh!

This is just as big as it looks. Bigger, probably. Believe it or not, there's diced avocado and flaked tuna in there, but I can't see it either. Sure, lunch was 636 calories, but when breakfast is 115 kcal and the exercise I did when I finally put on pants and went out into the world burned over 485? Fuck it.

I must say, I am feeling pretty awesome today. Down another half pound, too! Hooray for day 4 (or 3, if you ask the mister).

Rest Day My Ass...

Having been to the gym or done some form of exercise every day in the past week, last night KJ and I decided today would be rest day. Want to know what I did on rest day?

• Vacuumed the floors, including under the bed and living room furniture.
• Went shopping on an empty stomach.
• 20 minutes of Pilates at home.
• 25 minutes on the treadmill @ 2.5 mph and 3.5% incline.
• Clipped the dogs' nails without bleeding them out.
• Brushed some mats out of the dogs' feet and legs (damn winter!)

Want to know what KJ did for rest day? Well, aside from helping with dinner, and going shopping with me, he played Sims 4 all day. All. DAY. He took rest day to heart and did sweet fuck all. It's pretty impressive, actually, because he rarely does anything like that.


I will say this: going shopping on an empty stomach, with PMS, while dieting, is a really stupid idea. I was irritable as all hell, and hungry enough to eat anyone who pissed me off. Considering one of our stops was Wal-Mart, I think I made out okay by not killing anyone.

Tonight we made a stir fry of mixed vegetables and chicken breast, and it was really delicious, but I would have sold my left arm for a cheeseburger.

This is not a cheeseburger.

As of this morning, I am down 9 lbs. of my first 10 lb goal. It's not a lot, but it's a good start and is very encouraging. KJ is down 8lbs and, while he only has another 18 lbs or so to go to reach his goal, he's on board with this shift so I can reach mine. What a keeper! :)

It's working (a little too well)!

Yep! Yesterday was a day filled with clean eating. Lots of roughage (spinach, green beans, apples), lean proteins (egg whites, salmon, yogurt), and green tea and water. It was also a day full of cardio exercise as KJ and I went to the gym. I don't know about him, but I burned about 485 calories altogether; since the diet's format calls for free-range munching of vegetables, the calories I'd actually consumed yesterday were free.

Very free.

Turns out IBS + a quick shift into super healthy eating makes for one incredibly irate bowel. I'll spare you the heinous details, but I will give you some friendly advice:

In any event, as of this morning I am doing much better, and I am down 7 lbs from my starting weight. Probably because my insides are sand now.

Pray for me.

More energy indeed.

One big bonus to this whole change of lifestyle is energy. I have ample energy throughout the day. Boundless, even! Boundless, that is, until about 9:30 PM when I find myself falling asleep on the couch, or just unable to keep from yawning. I force myself to stay awake until about 10:30, maybe 11, and then I crash.

I have no problem with crashing at a reasonable hour like this when the weather is decent, because the next morning when I inevitably wake up at 7 AM, I can get up and go outside. Walk the dogs, do some gardening, whatever... but in March? I woke up at 7:05 this morning to howling wind and ice pellets pelting my window. That's just cruel.

So today, we're starting The 17 Day Diet. I have had tremendous success with this diet in the past (for the short periods of time I actually did it. Most recently, I was on it in the months before my wedding and lost 29 lbs. I know it's sustainable, I know it's effective, and coupled with exercise, I know it will give me a huge push toward where I want to be. I feel like the only problem I will encounter, like always, is craving sugar or carbs from time to time, and I am okay with that.

Wish me luck!

Happy Sunday!

Last night, KJ and I had a couple friends over for a game of Monopoly, and of course that meant wine and snacks. After a sensible day of eating, and only a short 1 km walk in the afternoon, I didn't want to overdo it so I had some pretzels and an unknown amount of red wine (let's be honest...measuring wine is not something I will ever do).

Today, on the other hand, we had oatmeal for breakfast and went to the gym. What an awesome workout that was! I could only manage 5 minutes on the rowing machine before my knee started giving me some trouble, but altogether:

• 15 minutes on the recumbent bike
• 17 minutes on the Arc Trainer elliptical
• 6 minutes walking @ 2.5 mph
• Full circuit on the weight machines
• 12 reps on the ab glider (I'll be feeling that tomorrow...)

According to SparkPeople.com, my total calories burned for all of the above (including my pathetic 5 minutes of rowing), I burned over 700 calories. I think it's overestimating, so rather than eat to the top end of my daily intake limit, I'm just going to stick with what I would have eaten had I only burned 400.

Tomorrow, we're starting Dr. Mike Moreno's 17 Day Diet. Since I want to lose such a large amount of weight, and KJ wants to lose only 20 lbs or so, this is a good way to kick start my metabolism while getting him to where he wants to be. He's being such a solid support system in this, I can't help but grin when I see him being excited that we're doing this together.

Now, if only the temperatures would climb so we could go be active outdoors for once...

It begins. Again

I remember a time when I used to write every day. I also remember a time when I didn't weigh in at over 250 lbs. Neither of those times was in the last year. Hell, even the last 2. I know there is no direct correlation between my current fatness and my lack of writing, but I am hoping that by writing about this road to the clothes in the back of my closet (and not sweating while using the vacuum cleaner), I will be able to keep myself moving forward.

This isn't the first time I have been down this road, but I honestly feel like this time is my last, and I can't say that about my other attempts. I was doing it for other people, but this time it's all for me. Nobody is in my ear telling me I should do this, it just came to me one day that I don't want to pant and puff my way to my early grave. I love my life, so I want to continue to live it.

I've noticed relationships make me fat. Being comfortable, and loved, and forgiven, praised, and even admired by my significant other for eating like a dude has led me to these stretchy jeans I am currently forced to wear. Don't get me wrong, these bitches are comfortable! I'd just rather be comfortable without the extra flotation device around my waist. And thighs. And neck. My husband loves me just the way I am, but I want to get back to the size I was when he met me...50 lbs ago.

So, here goes my quest to wear regular jeans and less decorative fat pouches. I am planning to lose a butt load of weight. Eighty pounds, or thereabouts. I'd be happy just to be a pound under 200! But to start, I am going in 10 lb increments to keep from spooking myself by this daunting task. I started this  change last week, and I am down 3-5 lbs depending on which scale I step on. Today is a rest day as I have exercised every day this week, but tomorrow I will begin journaling my efforts in earnest.

Stay tuned!