Self-care week

It has been a relaxing and wonderful couple of days here. We got some much needed rain, and I got a much needed massage. I am sore as hell today, since my massage therapist was really giving my knotty bits (har har) a real pummeling with her tiny fists and elbows. How can something that hurts so much still feel so brain-meltingly awesome? And how does someone so small have so much meat-tenderizing power in her arms?

On Monday night, after several recommendations from different people, Kevin and I went to a restaurant downtown for a nice dinner out. Since I took the leap and made the transition toward a plant-based diet, we haven't eaten out much, so this was a testing of the waters as much as it was a treat. The restaurant we chose has a vegan menu available, so I really wanted to give it a try and thankfully I was not disappointed. We shared an appetizer and so opted for the bruschetta off the vegan menu, and it was incredible. Fresh tomatoes, basil, onions & olives, extra virgin olive oil infused with garlic, served on what looked like a jumbo English muffin. Whatever it was, it was so tasty that I could have eaten another order of it. And I was so hungry when it came, I totally forgot to take a picture of it! Worst. Blogger. Ever.

The menu is your consolation prize, bitches.

For our main courses, we both ordered pasta dishes: Kevin had the wild mushroom fettuccine with a white wine cream sauce and parmesan, while I had the vegan penne course with peppers, olives, asparagus, arugula, gremolata, topped with their made-in-house cashew parm. It was astounding how good it was.

Who knew cashews were so versatile?

Something else I did on Monday was make a bunch of appointments for the rest of the week. Rather than jam a bunch of stuff all into one day, I decided to space things out. Next weekend (August 5th to be precise) I am standing in my best friend's wedding, and since I currently look like a disheveled pile of laundry, I decided it was time to get my hair freshened up and my nails done. So, today I have an appointment to go get my hair done, tomorrow I have an appointment to get my nails done, and Friday I have an appointment with my doctor to get a pap smear. That one is less for the wedding and more for the obvious reasons one gets a pap. A friend of mine mused, upon hearing of the order of my plans, "Jesus, you really go all out for your gyno, don't you?". Naturally, my reply was "It's the only way I can get anyone to look at my snatch."

Seriously, though.

Unrelated to medical procedures, I tried another recipe for breakfast from oh she glows the other day. The southwest tofu scramble. I must say, it was quite filling, and a very tasty substitute for scrambled eggs. It was so filling, I could not finish my portion so I refrigerated part of it and reheated it yesterday morning for breakfast, adding in extra spinach, peppers, spices and some of our leftover chili. Talk about a satisfying meal! I was full till supper time.

Good thing it tasted and smelled nicer than it appears.

I wish you could smell this picture.

The real show stopper of yesterday was not the massage, or the leftover tofu scrambler, the hilarious conversation about what I need to do to get the doctor to tend to my twat, or even the birthday party we attended for a neighbour last night. No, the real show stopper of yesterday was that Kevin cooked supper, and made a concerted effort to bring it as close to vegan as he possibly could. Since we are still eating down the fridge, I told him to go ahead with his use of the actual butter we had in there when he asked what was needed as a substitute if he wanted to make Butter Chicken. So, he used the butter but, instead of cream, he opted for coconut cream. And while he cooked chicken breasts for himself, he sauteed some tandoori spiced tofu for me and made the sauce separate from both. As a side dish, he also made Spiced Coconut Mushrooms, and the end result of all his hard work was stunning. I think I could eat it every day and not get sick of it.

The stench of onions permeating our house and clothes, though... that is another story. I hope my hairstylist doesn't think I reek today. I can't tell if I do or not. Fingers crossed!

Chili cheese nacho day!

Since my husband is such a supportive and wonderful man, today I decided to reward him for doing such an awesome job of keeping an open mind and dealing with my process of trudging through this mire of information. He loves chili cheese nachos, and we haven't had it in awhile so I decided to make a vegetarian version of our favourite chili, and since I have not yet sought out a recipe for vegan sour cream (though I am sure it exists), and Kevin is not a huge fan of the vegan cheese I currently have in the fridge, I opted to make the warm nacho dip to go with the chili. This recipe is identical to the one found in the oh she glows! cookbook, but it doesn't appear on her website, apparently.

Pre-baked nacho dip

It smells incredible, and tastes just as good.

While I know what I do not want in my diet anymore (meat, fish, dairy, and eggs), it is sometimes difficult to come up with healthy choices on the fly. It is also difficult to eat out on the fly. This city has a sparse number of restaurants that cater to vegetarians, let alone anyone who is dairy-free. If you don't want meat, cheese or potatoes, well...fuck you. This means having to plan in advance, do my homework, and keep inventory of all the ingredients we currently have in the house. It is a decent amount of work, but I enjoy it: it is challenging, and exciting to make something new from scratch every day. And man, the cashew cheese sauce recipe is surprisingly delicious, so the warm nacho dip was a really great comfort food type of thing. Served with some warm corn chips or pita bites, this would be an excellent party food.

364 calories, including tortilla chips (not pictured)

Tonight, however, I served it as a topping to our chili in lieu of the usual grated cheddar and dollop or sour cream. The result was absolutely sensational. The chili was as delicious as always because, if I am being honest, the spices are paramount in this recipe. The meat was always just in it because that was what the recipe called for, but it was always my least favourite part: cubing, patting, flouring and browning beef makes a goddamned mess all over the kitchen. Grease splattering, bloody paper towels, and just not worth the headache. The last few times I made it with meat included, I used ground beef instead because it was less of a chore to clean up afterwards. Making the chili today took a fraction of the time it normally takes, and I added black beans to it instead of beef, and the addition of the nacho dip on top just took it up a notch.

Seriously, try it. You will love it.

On a whim last night, I decided at 11PM to put the leftover sushi rice in the fridge to use. Rice pudding had been on my mind, and I just knew the internet would provide me with a dairy-free recipe I could throw together for a sweet midnight snack/dessert. Thank you, Google. If you like rice pudding at all, this recipe is absolutely the best I have ever eaten. The coconut milk and cardamom really make it explode with flavour! I didn't have the almonds or pistachios on hand, but I did use everything else it called for and it was still amazing.

I hope every recipe I try is as encouragingly enjoyable as these ones. I could easily feed friends and family these things and they would never know each dish wasn't filled with dairy, and that is exactly what I want. Anyone who actually thinks vegans only eat bare leaves, bland tofu and dry seeds needs to crack a cookbook open and learn something, just like I did.

Friday Night Adventures

Last night's fishbowl adventures were successful. Maybe too successful. We ate, we drank, we laughed (mostly at Allison's facial expression when I suggested she drink tequila). The eating and drinking continued when the 6 of us came back to our house and played Cards Against Humanity till about 12:30 AM. It was a riot! Much laughter and many terrible jokes at other people's expense ensued.

One of the tamer rounds... Cocktimus Prime vs Cockasaurus Rex won.

After everyone went home, however, much vomiting ensued. I don't know if it was something I (over)ate, (over)drank, or the combination of the two but, around 2:30 AM I lurched out of bed and lived out the Friday night of a frat boy till 4 AM. I am fairly certain the last time I got that sick (minus the bout of a stomach bug in 2011) was during what I will call "The Dominican Hot Dog Disaster"; this was much like that, but without Kevin having to break into a resort's storage closet to get garbage bags and drinking water for his girlfriend (yep, we weren't even married at that point, and he married me even after seeing my poor choices regurgitated into a clear plastic bag).

Kevin on our wedding day.

So, because my stomach feels like a wrung-out dish rag, my breakfast this morning is nothing exciting, unless you find 4 month expired Gatorade that someone else left in my fridge exciting. (thanks, Melissa O.) Anyway, something else happened yesterday besides me losing sleep on my bathroom floor: Kevin made sushi! He even made a couple veggie rolls for yours truly. I think he was reminded of how labour-intensive sushi is to make. He was in the kitchen for two and a half hours, at least, and kept grumbling at the ingredients about them being bastards. But here are the abundant, delicious fruits of his profanity-laced effort:

I have to say, he did a pretty great job. They tasted good, the rice was nearly perfect, and the rolls held up to being manhandled by the chopsticks without falling apart. Give yourself a pat on the back, Kevin!

Today, we have an annual family gathering to attend. I am sure it will come with its challenges, hangover-wise as well as food wise. There is almost always endless temptation at these things, but at least drinking won't be one of them. I am the official designated driver for us today, and planned on it even before my pukefest last night. Chances are good I will still feel so gross from lack of sleep and stomach contents that I won't want to eat or drink much anyway. #purgediet

New recipe tomorrow, as I plan to try a vegan cheese sauce recipe today for use tomorrow. 😋

Fishbowl Friday!

Drinkers unite! Today is Friday, and my friends and I have decided that tonight is going to be a fishbowl night at Boston Pizza. Unfamiliar with Fishbowl Friday? You poor bastards. Think a triple cocktail served in a ridiculous fishbowl and served to you for a low price so you get drunk on two and eat too much. Game on! Granted, there are only a handful of things on the menu of this restaurant that I will actually eat these days, but I am totally fine with that. I am going for the liquor.

Not pictured: Cheeseburger Walrus gut.

These past few weeks, the weather has mostly been sunny and beautiful. Our Hawthorn tree has gotten noticeably taller, our peonies have burst out in full bloom, and our hanging basket has gotten fuller and more gorgeous. All of these things have happened with regular watering of course, because, minus one day of torrential downpours, we have gotten little to no rain.

Today, however, is a different story. It is calling for showers today, tonight into tomorrow morning, and the temperature is a welcomed 18-20C with a comfortable, air-freshening breeze.This is the upside to a low pressure system. The downside to it is that my face feels like it is going to rupture under the sinus pressure I am currently suffering. I recently went to an ENT for tinnitus and hearing issues and was told that my hearing is perfect and that nothing can be done for the tinnitus, so tough shit. But while I was there, I also mentioned the unending sinus misery I get when the weather is garbage, and that it only gets worse when the pollen is high, etc. So now I am on daily anti-histamines, decongestants as needed, and the grossest treatment of all: the neti pot.

Jesus, Dwight... use the sink.

For all my efforts today, I am still left feeling like I am breathing through a straw and my left eye socket feels like it wants my eye to leave and strike out on its own. I pray it doesn't.

So, yesterday's sushi plan didn't happen. We lost track of time and the rice was not prepared ahead of time, so Kevin is planning to make it today instead. Last night for supper, we made a quick and easy pasta dish with the pesto I had made earlier in the day and simply added some fresh cherry tomatoes, corn, and green onions. It was delicious, but ugly as a sock full of soup, so I did not photograph it. 

You're welcome.

BBQ night

I think one of the first things that popped into my head as being most problematic to this entire transition was "What the hell do I eat at a BBQ now?!" and I was seriously concerned. My parents BBQ a lot, and my brother and sister-in-law primarily invite us out for BBQ if they're having us out for supper. How the frig was I going to make this work without feeling like a social pariah? The last thing I want to be is one of those people.

I'll see myself out.

Well, thanks to the Facebook group NL Vegans, I was able to ask that question of people who have been in my predicament before and I was presented with several people's preferred substitute meat options for grilling. I have not tried them all, of course, but the first one I wanted to try out was one I knew I had seen before. So last night, since neither of us wanted to spend another night sweating our asses off in the kitchen, we decided to BBQ and instead of the massive hot dogs that Kevin was having, I had one of Sol's spicy black bean burgers. Also recommended was the dairy-free cheese substitute, daiya's cheddar-style shreds if I wanted to make it a cheeseburger.

Being that I am still in the transition stage of all this, we're trying to eat our way through some of the stuff currently stogging our freezer so I just had it on a regular ol' white bun. Nothing fancy there, but topped with the 'cheese', some mustard, pickle, red onion, a slice of tomato, and some Hellmann's vegan mayo, I have to say, this was among the tastiest burgers I have ever eaten.

15g protein, 329 calories (salad not included, but equally delicious)

This morning, I decided to use up the rest of the basil I had in the fridge from Lester's Farm to make some pesto sauce to refrigerate for later this week. It would break my heart to have to toss out farm-fresh basil because we've been cooking so many other things it ended up forgotten. I was also going to make some vegan cheese sauce in preparation for the chili cheese nachos I am dying to make on Sunday, but it turns out the cashews need to be soaked in water overnight, so that'll be a job for tomorrow.

Today, because we're still chewing our way through some things in the freezer, Kevin wants to make sushi. His will have salmon and imitation crab. Mine will have avocado and cucumber. I may or may not take pictures of the end result; since neither of us is a professional sushi maker, they could end up looking like cat food. Hopefully not, though...and hopefully it tastes better than cat food should it end up looking the part.

All this eating down the stores before being able to restock things I want is making me think I may soon need to host a group dinner, or give away a turkey and ham. These items are taking up way too much real estate in the deep freeze, and I want a bag of frozen berries but have literally nowhere to store the damned thing.

First World Problems.

I didn't die!

Yes, folks! I survived the face-melting that was cooking a "meat"loaf on a hot, sunny day. By the time we got around to eating it, the wind had picked up a little so we threw open the back door to let some air blow through the house. Turns out the wind picked up a little too much because, as we were eating, the door slammed shut with such force, our dogs stopped begging for food for almost an entire second. That is a new record!

Anyway, onto the food! So, as I previously mentioned, yesterday's meal was Oh She Glows walnut lentil loaf, and because I was unwilling to make yet another trip to the grocery store, I had to sub in rolled oats for the bread crumbs. And because I am apparently illiterate, instead of shredding the apple, I diced it. It was not a particularly juicy apple, so that might have also worked against the recipe, if I am being honest.

Here, you can see the diced apple failure.

The end product was indeed tasty (to quote my husband, "It's quite obviously not meatloaf... but it tastes really nice, so who cares?"), but it was not as moist as I was expecting, so if/when I repeat this recipe, I will make some changes. I will also follow the existing directions like someone who can actually fucking read and follow a recipe. 

Naked loaf, pressed and ready to be glazed & cooked.

The apple balsamic glaze really is the star of the show, in my opinion. I may put that shit on everything, forever.

Looks enough like meatloaf to trick most people!

Since I had a salad for lunch, and it was too goddamned hot to make much else, we opted to break out the ActiFry and do some frozen fries we've had in the freezer for too long to go with this. I am glad I only had a few fries on my plate because what this loaf lacked in properly shredded apple it made up for in being a very filling gut-buster of an entree. One slice would have been plenty, and I will know better for next time! Our after-supper walk was a necessity after eating this. Neither of us had room for seconds, or anything else all night. No snacking, just water. I didn't even have room for wine! 😓

This morning, however, was another story altogether. See, in preparation for breakfast, last night I mixed up some overnight oats: rolled oats, vanilla soy milk, cinnamon, flax seeds, and a teaspoon of vanilla extract. This morning, I pitted and quartered some cherries and layered our bowls with cherries and oats, then topped with a little maple syrup. Damn, it was good! It tasted like dessert for breakfast, and who doesn't like that? 

I got on the scale this morning and I am down 10.4 lbs total since starting over, and I feel amazing. I can't really see the weight gone, minus some inflammation and water retention lessening, but I feel better physically, as well as mentally. I feel like things are going in the right direction.

Recent meals + updates

Since yesterday's post, not only have I gotten an incredible response from people who read it, I have found out that more of my friends are on this same journey with me. Some are further ahead, some slightly behind, but we're all open to the idea of living a healthier, more sustainable lifestyle. I have always said that if I had to go hunting for my own meat, I would be a vegetarian. While I do not have to hunt for meat, I am definitely content with not eating it and the effort I now put into making thoughtful, delicious meals for myself and my husband.

It also helps that I have some culinary ability and background.

So, because I have been thinking about reviving the blog for a few days now, I have been taking a few photos of the things we have been preparing for meals lately. Since this has been my very first foray into the land of tofu, I wanted to make sure I took a few shots of those dishes. Some recipes, I found on the internet. Others, I got from my newest cookbook, oh she glows (click the link to check it out). This book is brimming with recipes that are not only healthy, but incredibly delicious. I have only tried a couple of them so far, but they have been so tasty I cannot wait to cook my way through the entire book. Till then, here's a taste of what I've been up to! If I used a recipe, the links are in the photo captions:

Started slow, with a kale salad.

Got adventurous with Asian Garlic tofu and udon noodles

Who doesn't love fresh cherries?

More adventure with Tandoori tofu on basmati rice. I made extra sauce because...sauce. Kevin devoured this with gusto.

From page 153 of the oh she glows cookbook, Empowered Noodle Bowl w/ Orange-Maple Miso dressing. Even my parents loved this one.

Today's recipe of choice is the Ultimate Vegan lentil walnut loaf. I did some of the prep last night (the "meat", if you will), and the rest of the additives today. It is currently in the oven, and I have sweat rolling down my scalp and eyelids. With all the things in this book to choose from, I cannot understand why I decided to make a meatless meatloaf on what feels like the hottest day of the summer so far... this goddamned thing better be spectacular because my kitchen is 27.3C (81F for you Murricans), and fat white chicks do not do well in these conditions.

I will report back with how it tastes, and whether or not I survive the heat wave emanating from my stove when I take this loaf out of the oven.

Unlikely as it is.

I'm still me.

As I expected, I fell off the wagon. The wagon then backed up and ran me over. It's been a long haul, guys. Seriously. But, I still exist! Granted, I exist in slightly larger pants than I was existing in last time I sat here to write something. But I did not undo all my efforts, just 50% of them.

It's disconcerting to me now to realize that depression made me numb to the number on the scale climbing. So numb, in fact, I stopped getting on the scale at all. Depressed Me was very much in the mindset of "Fuck It"; the part of me that had made me move my ass and get motivated to do anything or go anywhere was hibernating somewhere far within the recesses of my mind. I cannot stress enough how deeply-rooted my apathy was. That is what I thought, anyway. That is, until December.

December brought with it a life-altering, stomach-churning level of anxiety where I honestly thought I was in the process of exiting my meat suit for good because I was certain my heart was about to burst out of my chest. I have had anxiety attacks before, but never before did they start while I was asleep. It was jarring, and traumatic. Never before did I confuse them with a heart attack.

Going from dreamland to dying in 2 seconds was something I hope I never experience again. Thankfully, the logical part of my brain was screaming at the part that was losing its shit to calm the fuck down, and I listened and forced myself to enact some deep breathing while looking at the ceiling fan and petting the dog. It took about 15 minutes of sweating, hyperventilating, checking my pulse, and finally relaxing before I was exhausted enough to sleep again.

Sadly, this event triggered a few other events, doctors appointments, and anti-anxiety meds just so I could go to the dentist and behave like a normal person. It also triggered my highest level of "Fuck It", and goddamn, I was really good at it. I am lucky to have such a wonderfully supportive and understanding husband because he really lifts me up when I feel like I am sinking. He didn't stop me from getting fatter, though (goddammit Kevin!), so I ate whatever the hell I wanted. All winter. All Spring.

Then, out of nowhere, the fog lifted and I started feeling like a person again. I was cheerful again. I was funny again without the gallows humour. I was me; I got up, showered, made the bed, got dressed. I didn't have to force myself to go out, I actually wanted to go. I started reading again, which was something I just didn't have the focus to do previously. And instead of watching the same old thing on TV all the time (I know every word to every episode of How I Met Your Mother...thanks, depression!), I decided to turn on something new for a change one morning a couple weeks ago.

Enter WHAT THE HEALTH, a documentary on Netflix that just peaked my interest one morning. I sat in my recliner, coffee in hand, and pressed Play. It started out a little slow, but it gained momentum; I had such visceral reactions to the content in places that I retched a couple times. I felt angry at, in awe of, and absolutely disgusted by the human race for the rest. I watched the entire thing, and I felt something in me break. The mere thought of dead animals as a food source made me feel like I was going to vomit. The chore of making meatballs the next day for my best friend's bachelorette party made me feel physically repulsed. As I said to my husband the day the dam broke, it was like a veil had been lifted that I couldn't put back on. What the fuck had I done to myself? We host people for parties and BBQs etc all the time... no way could I keep that going unchanged. How could I ever be so hypocritical as to call myself an animal lover and then sit down to eat one because everyone else is doing it?

The short answer is, I couldn't. I can't. Not anymore. There are countless reasons why I won't eat meat again, and why I wish other people wouldn't either, but none of them are going to convince anyone of anything. I know myself goddamned well enough to know that if someone had told me not to eat meat 3 weeks ago, I would have laughed & told them to go fuck themselves. And when I realized that watching that video was the catalyst for my own shift in thinking, I cried. I was scared that my husband was going to think I was nuts. I was scared my friends and family would mock me for my choice. So scared, in fact, I partly lied to them. I told them I am giving up meat because of my stomach issues, and while that is true (eating beef and pork are like playing Russian Roulette for me), the main reason for me is ethical, based on a slurry of emotions and logic. Not feeling like I am going to shit a meat-wrapped brick every time I have a steak is an added benefit.

I should note, my husband is being his usual, incredibly supportive self and is eating clean right along with me, with a few exceptions: obviously me changing my mind about meat on the fly didn't magically morph all the things in our freezer into veggies and tofu. A couple of meals of ours have been as simple as mine having extra vegetables and his having a meat component. I am not militant, wasteful, or insane. We bought it for food, and he will eat it as food.

Anyway, with all the energy and motivation back, I have lost 7 lbs in the past 2 weeks from having to really pay attention to what I am eating. I am happy, I feel refreshed, and I am still me.